I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
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