you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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