Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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