Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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