This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
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So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
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We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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