Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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