I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Randomize
