Can i not drive my cunt home
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
