he told me I talked like a deaf person
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I am one with the molecules
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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