At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
