do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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