Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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