i just had sex bonerless
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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