a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Randomize
