i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Randomize
