super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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