New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
