I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
