eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
