k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
