The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
