Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
