he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
