go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
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I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
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At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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