I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize