Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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