He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
