she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
