A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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