Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
