I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
