is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
