I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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