these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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