ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Randomize
