You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
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