i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
