p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
