Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
How naked do you want me to be?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
