I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
