What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
