Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
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