Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
