Jerry, you need to find god
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
