if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
