just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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