There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
