Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
There r osticjed everywhere
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
