Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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