It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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