it was like his penis was on wheels.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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