True but thats because hes a fetus.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
