he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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