Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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