I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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