I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
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