$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Randomize
