i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
