omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
