well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
