i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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