he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
