so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
